Find your underwear! Did you lose your underwear in the movie theater again? It happens. But now you will be able to find them easily! The problem is that other people will be too. If they steal your underwear, steal their popcorn!
Stop listening to crap! Do you find yourself listening to people that are just telling you stories that are full of crap? Keep your ears clean with these toilet paper earrings. The debate goes on though. Which way should the toilet paper be unrolled?
Keep burglars out! Sometimes security systems don’t work. You know what does though? A freaking life sized Terminator waiting to great intruders at the door. They won’t be staying long once they make eye to red eye contact. They’ll run away screaming like little girls while your possessions remain safe.
Not to be confused with what you call your girlfriend, the Breakfast Sandwich Maker can make mornings easier and more delicious with just one appliance. You also don’t need to buy it flowers or take it to a movie on Friday. But once you taste these sandwiches, you might want to.
Get some sleep in a parking lot! This mattress is great for when you’re on the run and don’t want to leave a trail by staying in hotels. You can still get a great night’s sleep in the back of your car. If you find this in your teenager’s car though, you need to have a serious talk.
Be less productive at work! Replace all of the keyboards in the office with a blank one. Everyone will slow down their work so much that you will be offered overtime hours to catch up. Make a quick million before the boss catches on and move to Hawaii.
Being a housewife is hard work. How do you fit in all of your shows when there’s so much housework to do? Use the remote control mop to at least clean the floors. Just make sure that you hide the remote with the other household cleaners. That’s the one place your husband never looks.
So what if you don’t have a boyfriend? Cuddle on the couch with your Boyfriend Pillow and enjoy the feeling of a strong arm wrapped around you. Your twenty cats might be jealous but they’re going to have to get used to it. You’ll have a real boyfriend someday…probably…maybe…
Never decide again! You want a cookie. You want a popsicle. You also want to quit work and live on an island. Well, you can have two out of three with this pan. Eat a cookie in the shape of a popsicle. Everything tastes better on a stick. Everything.
When a samurai sword is made, the craftsman stays awake for three days and three nights to tend the furnace that produces the unique steel. While this produces a high quality weapon, he should not drive, under any circumstances, in his tired condition. Give him a ride home in your car using the Samurai Sword Shift Knob.
Dine like the immortal! Dracula loves human blood but he also uses ketchup because it has less calories. Ketchup squeezed in a straight line out of a bottle is not good enough for Dracula though. He prefers it dripping from fangs. So if you hate the sun, enjoy your French fries at night with fang dripped ketchup.