Chocolates? Massage? No, what women really want is shared underwear. She won’t be able to run too far once she’s strapped in tight with you in some tighty whities. Also the only underwear on the market for centaurs.
Did your Harry Potter Convention get canceled again? You can still practice your magic wand skills from the comfort of your own couch. Muggles will love the included collector box and instructions but should know that it does not come with a cape or wizard hat.
No more downloading! Is downloading the stalker pictures of your ex-girlfriend taking too long? Now you can instantly print the pictures you take of her on her dates with her new boyfriend. You can then immediately tape it onto your bedroom wall with the other hundred photos of her and wish that she would just give you one more chance.
Is your phone acting up a lot lately? Do you think that a lack of underwear could be the problem? You never put some underwear on your phone? What’s wrong with you? He’s probably all chafed and sore down there, not to mention cold. His lower half has been exposed for so long that even Kim Kardashian is concerned.
Save your marriage! Almost half of marriages end in divorce. It’s not due to infidelity, too much arguing or a loss of romance. It’s because the wife didn’t have a pair of underwear with ruffles and a bat cutout. Ask your divorced friend if their ex had bat underwear. No? Scientific proof that you need to buy these.
Pound away! There’s just something so rewarding about punching the keys on a typewriter compared to the delicate pressing of buttons on your phone. The next time you are writing an angry letter to your cat’s babysitter, let your anger come out by using the USB Typewriter Computer Keyboard. They will feel your wrath
Chew your nails to lose weight! Chewing your nails is often thought of as a bad habit. But what if it was a diet? With the Pizza Nail Decals, you can get a fix of cheesy goodness without the calories. It takes some imagination but imagine how loose your pants will get. People will also think that you’re crazy but you’ll be skinny so who cares?
Smell like worms! Gummy worms that is! Why would you want to use a boring shaped block of soap when there is gummy worm shaped soap available? Want to have some fun with your family? Change out the soap gummy worms for regular gummy worms every few days. Your family members will be confused and possibly a little smelly.
Nom nom! Cookies are delicious! And they taste even better when they are shaped like Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde, everyone’s favorite ghost gang. How many quarters did you spend trying to save Pac-Man from these ghosts as a kid? Get revenge by eating them!
Keep your house Kardashian free! Do you know who has been rumored to hate black toilet paper? Kim Kardashian! If you live in constant fear of her showing up to use your bathroom, end the madness by only keeping black toilet paper in the house. This technique is less effective on her equally annoying sisters though.
Quit your job. Break up with your girlfriend. Cancel the cable. You’re going to be busy for the next twenty years with the MoYu 13x13x13 Puzzle Cube. College? That’s a waste of money. Spend your time solving this puzzle cube.