Chocolates? Massage? No, what women really want is shared underwear. She won’t be able to run too far once she’s strapped in tight with you in some tighty whities. Also the only underwear on the market for centaurs.
Did your Harry Potter Convention get canceled again? You can still practice your magic wand skills from the comfort of your own couch. Muggles will love the included collector box and instructions but should know that it does not come with a cape or wizard hat.
Did your family leave you on the top of a snow covered mountain again? Instead of taking the hint, keep the Air board Inflatable Sled on you at all times. You will then be able to quickly inflate it and ride down the mountain to join them for dinner. You probably won’t be greeted with smiles though.
Be even lazier! We play foosball because we’re too lazy to run around and kick the ball ourselves. So why would we want to stand while playing a lazy version of a sport? Standing is hard! With the Signature Foosball Coffee Table, you can sit while you score goals and avoid difficult standing. Less sweating, more winning!
Be prepared! Cowboys used gun holsters to to keep extra guns on them, helping them to avoid being shot. Use a beer holster in the same way but to avoid sobering up. With an extra beer always by your side, you’ll never be thirsty or functional again.
Stop falling during midnight garden runs! Need a tomato for your late night sandwich? If only you had a way to get out to the garden to get one without the guarantee of falling on your face. Solar Powered Light Up Bricks are the answer that will guide you safely to get your late night produce. Unless it rained all day. Then you’re still kinda ...
No more downloading! Is downloading the stalker pictures of your ex-girlfriend taking too long? Now you can instantly print the pictures you take of her on her dates with her new boyfriend. You can then immediately tape it onto your bedroom wall with the other hundred photos of her and wish that she would just give you one more chance.
Not again! Did that skateboarder get stuck in your bathroom wall again? You were nice about it the first few times but this is the last straw. Leave him in the wall and turn his skateboard into your new bathroom light. All of your guests will do a 360 when they see this one of a kind bathroom fixture. They might be concerned with the teenager ...
Is your phone acting up a lot lately? Do you think that a lack of underwear could be the problem? You never put some underwear on your phone? What’s wrong with you? He’s probably all chafed and sore down there, not to mention cold. His lower half has been exposed for so long that even Kim Kardashian is concerned.
Save your marriage! Almost half of marriages end in divorce. It’s not due to infidelity, too much arguing or a loss of romance. It’s because the wife didn’t have a pair of underwear with ruffles and a bat cutout. Ask your divorced friend if their ex had bat underwear. No? Scientific proof that you need to buy these.
Pound away! There’s just something so rewarding about punching the keys on a typewriter compared to the delicate pressing of buttons on your phone. The next time you are writing an angry letter to your cat’s babysitter, let your anger come out by using the USB Typewriter Computer Keyboard. They will feel your wrath